It's Saturday and yesterday I went to another fitness  presentation ...yeah...I know...it's even hard for me to believe I have been doing all this. But I feel kinda proud actually coz...I was never up to anything. I still feel so shy when I am with people I adore... Although I can hide it well to tell the truth.  

So, I went to this fitness presentation during all morning and then we went out for a late lunch at a chinese restaurant.  I didn't even use to like chinese food...and yesterday I just had a blast. Can't even believe it...

When I got back home I was still feeling hyperactive  and couldn't stop talking and walking from one place to another. I was so excited that hadn't even noticed how tired I was. I only felt that when I threw myself on the couch and couldn't stand up on my feet again until dinner time. I was tired but feeling good. Actually, it couldn't have been better.

I am still tired today and I slept  like a rock last night but I am still feeling good.  But I so need to speak to my therapist...I have so many things to say and so many feelings inside me I don't understand...  I feel I am going further step by step but I cant do it alone...I need at least someone who can listen to me and "open my eyes" to certain situations and make me see certain things. The last time I saw her was over two months ago and I don't even know if I'll have the chance to speak to her again. And if I do I won't be able to say a half of what I have to say. Coz...its been so long that it's impossible to pull all this out of my chest...and there are so many things I need to talk about.

I still feel really insecure about what other people think about me and how they feel about me. I just can't have that sort (or any other sort) of confidence. I can't believe they...like me for who I am...you know...with all the positive and negative things about me.  I have written about this in my last two entries I believe...and it has been constantly on my mind and it's really driving me insane and making me feel so insecure and miserable.

I am here writing...trying to avoid the fact that I have to go and study. I can't do it...just can't. I have no motivation. At all.

purplexxx